I've Got Goals!

Things are moving along.

Today Bryan gets his SA done locally and the results will be faxed to Dr. McBaby's office. I haven't even worried about his results. But of course now that the day is here I might be a tad bit anxious about it. And I actually have no idea how long it takes for the results...

My fluid ultrasound is on Wednesday! That's exciting and scary too. Both of these tests were no big deal and our results were great back in 2012 but holy crap, it's 2015! So many things could have changed!

And today I have to pay a small fortune to hold our spot for April. Goodbye $2000. I'll miss you. Though, you're tiny in comparison of what is to come.

The word has also gotten out within our circle of friends that April is the month. I always have such mixed emotions about this. None of my friends have dealt with infertility. A very small number have had a miscarriage but even they were pregnant again within 3 months. And while a miscarriage is a devastating nightmare no matter what the circumstances or how quickly you get pregnant again, it's still just not the same as years of losses and disappointment.

With our first IVF I kept a blog that was very open. I shared it on FB. Family, friends, strangers....I had a couple hundred followers! Yeah, I was popular! Ha! But here I am anonymous....why? Because of one person (a family member no less) who went off the deep end and apparently believes IVF babies are the spawn of Satan and the parents who would have the audacity to even consider IVF (because clearly infertility is a punishment from God and a billboard sign that we are meant to adopt and ONLY adopt, because I have $40k sitting around.....) must be Satan themselves. Sigh.... So anonymous it is. I feel silly, a little ashamed even, that I've let one person ruin it for me but I also feel an intense need to protect Lauren and any future children, whether IVF or adopted. So we will be anonymous from here on out.

But I digress....While some of our friends have already "completed" their families, there are others who are trying for number 2 right along with us or at least have plans to start TTC within a few months of us. And it brings back those sad memories of trying for our first and being left behind, once, twice, and even three times. But we don't know if we will be left behind or not. And I know I have to hold onto the hope that we might not be.

But I'm not dwelling on it. Lauren helps so much with that. The fear is still there but being on this side of the fight, with a baby, being able to BE a mom, this is just so much easier. I don't say that to rub it in. But rather to validate how horrible the journey is when you're still trying for the first. When you have no idea if you'll ever get to parent a child. I can only go off of my own experiences...

I have a couple of health goals I'd like to work toward, that I am working toward. And I think I'd like to use this blog as a means to motivate myself and just keep track of how I'm doing.

We were both incredibly unhealthy when we did our first IVF. We coped with life, infertility, loss, in our own ways and none of these were "healthy" in any sense of the word.

When I got married and we first started TTC I was a very healthy, athletic 125lbs.

I looked good.

Sob. Sob. Sob.

I'll never have that 28 year old body back. Ever. Well not without plastic surgery. Stretch marks and saggy skin have seen to that!

But I can still be healthier, look and feel better!

I want to go into this IVF and know that I did everything I could possibly do in order to give it the best chance of success.

I was so incredibly depressed from our miscarriages and resulting infertility that by the time I actually became pregnant with Lauren in 2012 I weighed 170 lbs. I'm 5'5". On a good day.

I already had knee pain before pregnancy.

Oh dear Lord, as you can imagine it just got worse and worse. And the day I delivered I weighed in at 199 lbs. Amazing.

Today I weight 148 lbs. And I know I'm already so much healthier. I don't exercise as much as I should and I REALLY struggle with the motivation to do so. But I have really gotten a hold on my diet and our entire family eats VERY healthy. Almost zero processed foods, tons of fruits and veggies. I just know that my insides are getting everything they need and I feel good. Like really good.

Well....ok, last night was the Super Bowl! Ha! I don't feel that good today. Dinner at the party we went to consisted of fried chicken, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes and lots of desserts to snack on!

But my every day diet is pretty fabulous!

We used to eat out 5-7 times a week. Not only do I not know how the heck we could afford to do that, I also just cannot fathom WHY.

We limit it to twice a month now. And now we hate to spend the money and get frustrated that our food options aren't usually very healthy or as tasty as we could make it at home!

But anyway....My overall weight loss goal is to get to around 130lbs. 125 would be awesome. But I'm not focusing on my overall weight goal at the moment. For now I just want to lose 8 lbs before April 1st. That will put my weight at 140.

To do that I'm planning on keeping my diet about the same. I don't count calories. I just try to eat healthy foods whenever I'm hungry. It seems to be working. Slowly but surely.

But I need to kick it up a notch if I want to lose 8 lbs in 2 months. So, I want to get back to running, a little weight training, and lots of walking!

Here's my goals for the week. Rain or shine.

1.Walk for 45 minutes three times this week.
2. Run one mile twice this week.
3. And start some weight training this week, I'll have to get Bryan to really help me with this one and have him set some goals for me since he does this daily. I'm thinking 2 or 3 days of it.

So I hope to check in at the beginning of next week and let everyone (giggle....I still have zero followers!) know how well I did at meeting my goals and I'll do a weight check in and see if I'm made any progress.